morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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