you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i believe in u and ur pee
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
