You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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