He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
