someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
