that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
