Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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