I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
