I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
