I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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