Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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