So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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