she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
