WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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