How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
