Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
