So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize