You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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