so explain again why im purple
no
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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