My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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