Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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