went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
