I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
