so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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