how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
