Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
