cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
