not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
