Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
