My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
