There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The ass gains better be worth it
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