Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
