I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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