turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am naked and annoyed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
