The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
