I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
