My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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