dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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