fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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