He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so much tequila, so little girl.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
