Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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