there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
