So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
