My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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