i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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