you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
