The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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