do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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