I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
