BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's shark week go big or go home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
