you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
