Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize