god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
