Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think my moral compass just broke
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