Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize