Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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