alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You can't motorboat a personality
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
