That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
