I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
