What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
