im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
