Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
