Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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