Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
