This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
as a side note pls kill me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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