think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
