I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize