apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
