his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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