WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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