Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
