I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
