So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
