He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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