I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
