so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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