did you get engaged???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
