Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
