The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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