Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
