Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
