She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
