i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
