It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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