I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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