I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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