Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
