there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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