I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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