In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
