You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
