think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
