How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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