Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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